Introduction About Social Anxiety:
I currently struggle with Anxiety. This is a topic that I feel a lot of newer DMs face to varying degrees. Social Anxiety can manifest in different ways, from minor worry of what your players think, to complete panic attacks before you meet. For years I’ve discovered I don’t do well in large groups especially if there are strangers present. It doesn’t matter if it’s in person or online. I am not a licensed therapist, so this is information based purely on my experiences and some of these tips may not work for everyone.
Social Anxiety stems a lot from your own thoughts. You worry what others think about you, sometimes to a point of being irrational. Larger groups can lead to a feeling of overstimulation and may cause headaches or migraines. Some symptoms might leave you feeling alone in the group or that your voice isn’t being heard. This includes feeling like no one listens or cares about what you think.
How To Start DMing With Social Anxiety:
If you suffer from minor social anxiety, the best way to start is with a very small group. Talk with 2 or 3 friends/family that you are comfortable around and are supportive. Like with my previous articles, start small with one-shots or very short campaigns. After each session, talk with this group about feedback. This will be a slow way to build up your confidence as you learn the game and get used to interacting with people.
Your main goal is to reduce stress as much as possible. If these members already know the game, they can help you learn. At this stage, focus on small wins and have shorter sessions. Communication is the key to starting to overcome anxieties and train your brain to feel safe around others.
Advanced Tips For Handling Social Anxiety:
At times you may feel overwhelmed during a session and this is when you call for a strategic break. As you DM more, you’ll find places where you can take natural breaks. These can be before or after an encounter, to give your players time to plan and talk out what they want to do next. Take this time to go to the bathroom, drink some water, or even have a snack. Use this time to breathe slowly and center yourself.
Something you can do before a game is a short 15 to 20 minute meditation to center your mind. Do this by sitting in a comfortable place and relaxing your body one limb at a time. Starting out you may have lots of thoughts, which is normal. Try not to hold onto the excessive thoughts, instead let them go and let them pass on. One trick is to focus on a simple, neutral but positive object, the biggest example others use is the moon. When you focus on a single thing, the brain won’t try to multi-task. This is a long term process that will aid you to become calmer.
Another simple thing you can do is have music playing during a session. Not only does this help to immerse your players, it gives your mind an anchor of steadiness. You can find many Playlists on YouTube for nearly any type of campaign or encounter.
After the session, ask the players for feedback. This is an important step that will help you improve and show you places you can improve. This step builds trust and let’s everyone be heard.
Wrap-up:
The important thing to remember is to take things slow and find a group that is supportive. Find ways to calm your mind and not focus on what your mind tells you because Anxiety lies. This is something that will take a lot of time and work to get a handle on.
Always be kind to yourself and remember, we play these games to have fun and sometimes it can help us escape our worries for a time. As a final tip, most people don’t tend to think about you as much as you may think they do, that is just another lie of anxiety. I would love to hear how others deal with this topic, so feel free to discuss this article in Wally DM’s discord.
I’m a published author that has written various stories over the span of about 25 years. I’ve also been playing TTRPGs for just as long, if not longer. I am currently DMing a campaign thats been going for about 5 years and still going.
2 responses to “Beginner GM/DM Guide And Social Anxiety”
That was a great read, Hakuzo. I think a lot of people are going to see themselves in your description of those pre-game nerves. I really like your tip about starting out small. These tiny steps make it seem doable and might encourage those with social anxiety to get started.
What a great topic, thank you for sharing your experiences and advice on this. I’ve dealt with social anxiety for a long time as well. I am usually okay with close family and friends, otherwise I find myself avoiding social interactions whenever possible, and I always feel on edge when they are unavoidable.
I’ll share a bit of my experience, since you shared yours. I’ve always had social anxiety. Even during my 15 year DJ career. When I was running a gig, I had to be in large crowds playing music and entertaining, despite the fact that I wasn’t an outgoing person. While I don’t recommend, I would usually have a few drinks to help calm the nerves. Glad those days are behind me.
Now-a-days, when I go to conventions and run D&D games, I always envision myself as being this social butterfly, staying up late, meeting new people, participating in social events. But, once I get there, I run my scheduled games, check out the dealer hall, and then off to dinner by myself and on to the hotel.
Being around so many people, I’m afraid no one really wants my input, I’ll say dumb things, or I’ll be perceived excessively awkward. I mean, I guess I am a bit awkward, so I guess that part is okay, lol.
I think you have providid some splendid advice for folks that might see their social anxiety as a barrier. I don’t really have any additional advice to offer, but would say that if you want to do something, try to muster up the courage to do it. Better to try and say you did, rather than regret and wonder what could have been.
Thanks again for opening the conversation, I’m sure many will find this article welcoming. Cheers!