Wally DM

If you’re reading this, you probably know how to play RPGs. However, you’ve probably had experiences where a new player at your table says they “just don’t get it” or keeps asking “what do I do?” This is for them. Here is my best guide to the fundamentals of playing an RPG. 

Thank you to my long-suffering wife for the idea behind this article. It is in many ways, written for her. 

The Date that Became an Article

For our anniversary this year, I had a playtest ready game for the romantasy game jam. Isle of the Sea is a game meant to mirror romance novels, building a magical archipelago around the adventures and relationships of a group of nautical fantasy characters. I thought we could play it as a date. It was a bit off-beat, my wife is not a gamer, especially not RPGs, but it felt cute. 

It went horribly wrong. 

My wife played as a mermaid and I as an enchanter. Our characters were destined to be together per the game. I walked by her and she ignored me because I looked grumpy. I found a reason for an NPC to bring me back. She said she didn’t want to talk with me and went to take a nap. I tried to introduce plot hooks or story elements, she said she just wanted to nap in her cave. At this point, I said that it seemed like she didn’t want to play and maybe we should do something else. This was when she stormed upstairs, saying:

“I don’t understand these games. I want to play them, but I can’t think like that! I don’t know how to.”

She felt overwhelmed by the game. When I kept asking what she wanted to do, she felt overwhelmed and frustrated and panicked. 

I apologized and we moved on to another date idea. That evening, I sent the outline of this article to Wally.

So, in honor of my wife and her tolerance of my hobby, here is the first part of my article on how to start playing RPGs from absolute zero.

There are also some suggestions for you as a veteran player trying to introduce new players to the game, but mostly the advice is for the new players to help them get comfortable.

NOTE: There’s almost nothing in here about rules, mechanics, or dice. It’s entirely system agnostic, meant to give people the concepts of storytelling and role playing, not to cover the game aspects. Every game will need its own mechanical intro, so I’ll leave that for another space.

Buy In

Let’s start with a simple notion, you’re all playing the same game together and it’s important to agree on that at the beginning. The game is going to include certain assumptions, based on the genre, mechanics, and more. Dungeons and Dragons is about adventurers going out on quests in a high fantasy setting. Call of Cthulhu is about investigating cosmic horror.

When you start to play, buy into and lean into the central ideas of the game. Don’t expect a Call of Cthulhu character to be happily running a tavern, or a D&D character to be an old west gunslinger. Make your character work in the setting, and recognize that the choices you make need to fit the kind of story you’re telling. You’re as responsible for the story working as the mechanics and the other players.

My wife needed to lean into the romance part of the game, find a reason to build a connection with my character, and let herself get pulled into the genre. When she didn’t, the action of the game came to a screeching halt because the story couldn’t move forward without her buying in.

On my side, we needed more of a session zero, where expectations and genre conventions were described before the game started. With that, she would have had an easier time buying in and we could have navigated the issue better.

Nobody Wins

A key question about RPGs from new players is often “how do I win?” and the answer is “you don’t.” That’s really frustrating, but it’s also deeply liberating. The point of these games isn’t to win or lose, it’s to have an experience and tell a story. 

That means, in part, everyone is playing together. You work as a team with the other players around the table. You’re not trying to beat them or outdo them, but telling a story as a group. 

This even includes the GM or DM. They’re not the enemy, even if they play as them. The GM’s ultimate goal is to tell the same story as everyone else at the table. Don’t try to “win” against them, and don’t feel like you’re “losing” if things go their way.

While Isle of the Sea lacks direct conflict, my wife stumbled here. She felt that I was playing the game “better” than her, and she felt competitive, like she was “losing”, and it stressed her out.

I should have done more to reassure her and boost her up in turn. As a veteran, help new players play their best, instead of feeling like they’re “losing” because they’re new.

Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff (… and it’s all small stuff)

The biggest piece of advice to new players is to remember that role playing games are, at their core, games. They’re meant to be fun. Yes, they can be dramatic and serious and feel epic. They even have real world benefits. But they’re ultimately a group of people getting together to play pretend. They have no more real world weight than a child’s tea party. So let yourself have fun, let yourself be silly, laugh at mistakes and own the chaos of it all.

Let yourself have fun, let yourself be silly, laugh at mistakes and own the chaos of it all.

This was a place where my wife froze. She didn’t want to do it “wrong” and got embarrassed by what she saw as “mistakes”. This kind of paralyzed her in the game and led to that “I want to take a nap” loop.

I, in turn, was taking the game too seriously, and she felt that pressure. Sometimes, as a veteran, you need to lighten up, too.

Just Getting Started

This article covered three points about the right mindset to get started playing TTRPGs:

• Buy in to the genre and story.
• Recognize that nobody is playing to “win”.
• And just relax and have fun.

In Part 2, I’m going to focus more on how to build a character and some advice on actually playing the game in a way that’s going to give you the best experience possible. 

In the meantime, whether this is your first game or your thousand-and-first, have fun.